Not That Guy
by HelikaAkileh
Summary: Despite how Davesprite laments that he's not the "real Dave," an ironic turn of events takes place when Dave has to remind Jade that he is not Davesprite. It sucks when the girl you like looks at you and can only think about how her ex-boyfriend broke her heart... DaveJade Oneshot.


Jade Harley has dated a Dave Strider. You are Dave Strider, but you have not dated Jade Harley. You find this debacle extremely unfair. Jade dated Davesprite, and he broke up with her, so now she's think you're going to break her heart, and this is messed up. You tell her that Davesprite's issues are his own thing- you've got your own- but you'd never do that to her. Thanks Davesprite, you went from being a cool bro to the destroyer of the best relationship you never fucking had. Thanks a lot, man. Ugh...

Jade looks at you warily sometimes now, and it's all because of him. She sees the same face, hears the same voice, and she has labeled you clearly as "Heart breaker." Cool as that title may be, you don't want it from her. Still, it's apparent she's afraid of getting too close. You can see it when the two of you have a _moment_, where things get quiet, awkward, a little too sweet. You can see the memories flash in her head, you can almost sense the time shift in her mind from here with you to when she was with him, when he did the thing and she was left alone. She doesn't give you the chance to do the same to her. Your mind races to find a way to bring her back, but then she's gone in a flash of bucked teeth and bright green. She dodges you like you're a bullet heading her way.

You treat her like glass, like you always have. For a while you thought she was so breakable and fragile. Haha. She was so much more than you ever could have been. She was strong and sturdy and she could definitely hold her own. Jade didn't need anyone to come to her rescue like some damsel. What's a knight to do? She's still not fragile, at least physically. You can't break her bones, her skin. She always seemed so careless and clumsy, but you know now that she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself. More so now that's she's a god. She can snap and the world would break apart. To think she could be so devastatingly afraid of you, that she had to put up such heavy defenses.

You remember when you were all younger. Jade was open, so open. Her glowing dog did all the guarding for her, but her heart was a floodgate that poured out endless streams of affection. It was like she could give it to anyone gladly. She's not like that anymore. At least not with you.

You thought you'd never break her heart, but someone did that for you apparently. You did that for you, but it wasn't you.

It wasn't you, dammit.

At least it's nice to know that when you were younger and had a feeling that she was totally into you, you were right. Probably. Yeah? Jade had a crush on you back before the game started, and you weren't a total loser who deluded himself into thinking his cute best friend liked him. It was a mutual feeling. That's comforting.

No. Fucking scratch that. Scratch that harder and more obnoxiously than John or any DJ could ever manage. Break the fucking record, because it is not comforting. It is entirely frustrating to know that you were right. You and Jade had a thing for each other this whole time and another you got to date her. You were already pissed the fuck off that another you got to spend three years with her, but _date her_ and _break up with her?_ Are you fucking kidding.

No. No, no. That is not how that was supposed to go.

You were supposed to date Jade, and do that for the rest of your life, and hold hands with her, and have her smile at you instead of running away whenever things got a little awkward because you have the same face as the guy who broke up with her. No. That is fucked up. You're getting angry and you kind of want to punch your face. Not your face. His face. You want to punch Davesprite in the face because he was supposed to be your bro, but he went and dated Jade Harley, whom you are _in love with_, broke up with her, and made her afraid of you. Not him! You! She's so defensive about him. It's you that she can't be around.

You're so mad you're clenching your fist and knocking on her door.

Wait what?

When did you get here?

You were so wrapped up in your head that you ended up right at the entrance to her room. You don't even know if she's here. God you hope she's not because the anger just flew right out of your brain and fizzled into the air.

Jade answers the door.

"Dave?"

You wonder if she can tell how panicked you are. Her mouth is in a little frown, the one she makes when she's confused, but you can see she's concerned too.

"Is something the matter?"

"Y-yeah." No, fuck. What are you getting yourself into? "Wait, no. No, nothing's the matter." What the fuck are you doing, man...

"Okay... Is there something you need?"

It blurts right out of you.

"Go out with me."

She's probably confused. Her wide eyes look more shocked than confused. Your eyes are wide because you're pretty much on the same level. Like, what even just spewed from your mouth right now? Your heart is racing. You know exactly what you asked and what you want to hear. You know what she's going to say though, you think.

"What?" Yeah, that's to be expected.

"Go out with me. _Me_, me."

"Dave, why are you asking me this all of a sud-"

"Because you haven't. You treat me like we've broken up, but we haven't even dated each other. If you're gonna treat me that way then at least break up with me first."

"Break up with _you_?"

Her dark little eyebrows furrow and then you see a flash of green. You think she's gone and run away from you again, but soon you realize she hasn't moved. You stare at the back of her head now that you've been teleported into her bedroom. She shuts the door and turns around looking angry and distressed.

"Woah Harley, take me out to dinner first."

If she's embarrassed, she gets over it quick.

"We can't date. It won't work." Shot down worse than the time she literally shot you with a dozen bullets. It's almost the same though, because you feel like she wasn't aiming for you. It's at someone else, redirected at you.

"You don't know that."

She frowns deeper. "I know that..."

"Jade-"

"It just wouldn't work out! I don't think it's a good idea."

"Well, why not?" you push. You're trying not to be aggressive and force her into this, but your steam is coming back because she keeps not seeing you. She's looking at you, but she's definitely seeing _him_.

"Because!" she bursts out a little bit abruptly. "Because... we just don't work out..." her argument wanes.

"How do you know that? Because what? Because I'm...?"

"Because I'm probably not a good girlfriend. I don't... know... because you'd find out if we went out together that I'm not that great and I don't understand you and..."

"I don't think you're basing that off of something substantial, or rather, some_one_."

Her head snaps up. Shit you made her angry. Your heart goes into a panicked frenzy for a split second before the anger kicks it to the curb. So what is she's angry. You don't regret that. Fuck that guy for screwing you over and hurting her in the first place.

"Don't you dare say that." There she goes defending him, and fiercely at that. Her teeth are showing. The fangs.

"Well he's not. Literally not substantial. I bet you could stick your hand right through him like a ghost. I wouldn't know. How about you enlighten me on what it's like to feel up a semi-solid holographic version of myself."

"Shut up Dave. That's really mean of you and I don't appreciate it at all."

"Oh, well shit. I'm sorry Jade." Your sarcasm has never been used so acidly before. She's not backing down though, and you won't either. "You know what _I_ don't appreciate? I don't appreciate how you treat me like some sort of asshole who's scheming to hurt you as soon as you're not looking. I don't appreciate that you suddenly poof off when we're left alone together. That's really mean of _you_. It kind of sucks super hard when the person you're totally into never wants to be around you!"

"Yeah I know! And it sucks super hard when the person you like breaks up with you!"

"I fucking bet, but here's the thing: I never broke up with you Jade! We've never gone out! You dated bird-me, and 'cause he had some sort of meltdown you're treating _real-_me like I'm the one who screwed you over."

"You take that back, you fuckhead! Don't you ever call yourself the _real_ one ever again! He was just as real as you." Her screams feel like bite wounds.

"Fucking _fine_, but that doesn't make him the same fucking person as me!"

You're both panting from yelling so much. You never thought you'd yell at Jade or make her cry like this. She's a raging, heaving, tear-streaked mess though. She's still beautiful and you're still angry that she could ever believe you thought anything less than that. She's so beautiful in fact, that you feel sick for having put her in this state. You try to bring things down to a simmer.

"We're not the same guy. At one point we were, years ago. We're not anymore. I told you, he's got his own issues. Issues that you probably know about better than me. Those aren't mine."

"It was still some _version_ of you."

"So what? Like, if I had my own issues, you think I'd break up with you?"

Her eyes cast to the side, and you get your answer. She decides to elaborate though.

"Yeah, but I _know _it. It's like, a proven fact that you would break up with me."

"Sure. Research and experiments have shown that I'd break up with you if I was half bird, orange, had a ghost tail, and whatever weird circumstances I'd have to deal with because of that shitty game. Yeah okay. Maybe I would. I did. He did, whatever. Some Dave did some stupid thing."

"It wasn't stupid..." Jade mutters.

For a few moments, you mull that over. You wrack your brain trying to salvage this situation, but it comes to you eventually just how to word this so Jade can understand just how messed up being a Dave Strider can be.

"It was and it wasn't. It was because I can tell you, honestly, that I wouldn't want to ever break up with you. No Dave would want to break up with Jade Harley because of anything she did, because of any inadequacy she thinks she had, because of any flaws she might have mistakenly thought she had. That would never be a reason any Dave would break up with you. If I were me, and I am," she laughed. It was just a small laugh, but by god, it was a laugh. You feel your mouth tug with relief and some confidence that your humor will get you somewhere. "Then I would only ever break up with you because you are too good for me. That's a universal Dave thing, I swear."

She's thinking about her break up. You see her think back to it, trying to put what you said into it's original context. On some level, you're sure she already knew that. That's why she defended him so much about the whole thing, but there was apparently another part. Some paranoid part of her that needed reassurance that it wasn't her fault, that it wasn't because she fell short in some way. Davesprite never gave her that explanation, and probably knew he messed up. You can still be ticked at the guy for making you deal with the aftermath, but you know what it's like to feel inadequate. Still, Jade doesn't deserve to feel that way, and obviously needed the clarification.

"I'm not Davesprite, but if he's Dave and I'm Dave, then I can tell you that much about that whole thing, okay? Whatever crap he had to deal with, you don't deserve that. I know that, and he probably knew that. He definitely knew that."

Jade looks so sad that you don't know if she believes you. You walk up to her and hope that if she looks at you, you can convince her. You want to grab her and hold her, but you keep to yourself.

"I don't know what he said. Knowing him/me he was probably really cagey and vague about it. Something like, 'oh don't worry, you didn't do anything but I don't think it's gonna work out between us.' Is that where you got that quote?" You look at her with a stern gaze. "Don't answer that. Rhetorical."

Maybe your mind is just seeing what it wants to, but Jade appears to be smiling. It's this miniscule little thing under her puffy pink nose. You're getting distracted and falling in love so deeply that you've got to pull yourself together and reign this shit in.

"He wasn't lying. You didn't do anything wrong, Jade. I'm telling you the truth, straight up real talk here. Telling you some A-grade truths. Like, strap me up to the lie detector, that line's gonna be smoother than John's dad's head."

"Dave, that's silly."

"Man, that is a proud bald man, don't feel bad for the dude. Bald and strong. John will look just like him one day and when that day comes, do you want me to tell him, 'yo man, Jade think your baldness is offensive and ugly like your father.' That's extremely uncool Jade."

She snorts and you're on cloud nine and a half.

"Get back to the point, dummy."

"The point... where did that sucker go?" You turn your head to look in different directions. Suddenly you feel her hands on either side of your face, and you find her eyes staring at you intently. Finally, for once in the longest time, you feel like she trusts you again. It doesn't help you remember what you were rambling about at all.

Nope. What on earth were you saying before her green irises trapped you? You can't remember and don't want to think about anything but Jade...

"Go out with me," comes out of your mouth again. The whole talk replays in your head. Oh right, you were saying some really comforting shit for a while, weren't you? Well, that's fine. This was the real point anyways, before all that sorting through your relationship issues thing started. You just wanted her to say yes. Now that the air's cleared, maybe you stand a fighting chance of being with her.

"Go out with me, Jade. Please. I want to date you."

There's worry that fills the eyes you adore. Maybe it's just that she doesn't like you anymore. Maybe it's still the same insecurity.

"I promise I won't break your heart. I'll be so good to you."

Her hands fall away, but you grab them with your hands. She can teleport away even if you're holding her, but you want them anyways. This time if she shoots you down, it's all meant for you.

"What happens if you find your own issues?"

The answer flashes in your head like an arrow hitting bull's eye. You're so confident that you manage to smirk as you retort back.

"Pfft, then you gotta deal with it."

Buck teeth and sharp canines and all the rest of them molars make a bright appearance as her mouth spreads wide in a grin. Green eyes shine so bright and intense you think you could go blind without your shades.

"Yes."

God, what a beautiful word.

You realize you had been gripping her hands pretty hard, but that's okay now because she's holding them back tightly. Holy crap, you feel delirious.

"Yes?"

"That's what I said, Dave."

The past hour and a half feel like an ecstatic blur in your mind now. The pent up feelings in your chest explode and rain down in pieces of hot light, bright like the intense glow of the green sun energy that crackles around Jade when she uses her powers. Brighter. Hotter. Warmer...

Jade Harley is _your _girlfriend, holding _your_ hands, leaning in and about to...

Zap.

Your eyes open. Ow. You squint as your sunglasses are off your face and sitting pretty on top of your new girlfriend's head.

She instantly cuts to the chase.

"I like your eyes."

Your pupils take their time to adjust to the room. It's hard to feel very attractive and smooth when you need to squint to see.

"They like you too," you try to say suavely.

She smiles. It's a really good look for her. She looks nice without the dark filter of black lenses. Still, you're kinda peeved at where you thought this was going.

"You tricked me there. Acting all like we're about to get our mack on, then pull a stunt like that. Rude, Harley. You're like that ten year-old coolkid in school who's all, 'give me five' then brings his hand back to his hair like, 'aw, too cool for you.' Not nice."

She gives the most fake girly gasp you've ever heard, and it's broken through giggles. Jade cannot act.

"We haven't even been dating for a minute! We haven't even been on a date! You can't expect me to kiss on the first date when we haven't even had one." Confirmed. Jade is the worst actress. The worst. It's awesomely hilarious.

"What was all that shit about having dating me before? We can just pretend that time totally counted. How long was that? Like, a couple of months? We should be at like, cop a feel territory now. You've already lured me into your bedroom." You jokingly gesture your head back at her bed.

Jade's face turns red, but she's laughing too. "Dave!"

"Just kidding." You feel your smugness coming back; the signature you sign at the end of all the words you spin in her direction. Your smile is real though. Smug, maybe, but genuine.

Once she's done laughing, her expression shifts to something less goofy.

"No. None of that tonight."

The implication of later sends you out of your shoes and to the moon. Quickly you put on a pout for her.

Jade looks at your dumb fake pout unfazed as she finishes, "Just our first kiss tonight."

With that she leans in and you're so fucking eager to follow suit that you bump into her a little. Good thing your glasses are off, you guess, otherwise they would've clacked together like some awkward teenage movie romcom shit. She's smiling into it and you probably are too. You can't tell because you feel nothing and everything at the same time. Her hands are perfect and warm, your toes curl up and in, the hair on the back of your beck stands up, her lips are so soft and they leave you so fast that your head leans forward to chase her mouth.

You open your eyes with your head swimming.

"Would second and third be like, the worst crime in the world?"

"I supposed I could deal with it," Jade teases while closing her eyes and leaning forward.

You'd say more, a quick quip or snide comment, but that would mean more time away from her lips. Can't have that. You shut your mouth and meet hers again.

Jade Harley is kissing you. _You_.


End file.
